Woi oi lads, do you love banter? Of course you fucking do, you’re not a poofter are you!? Nothing you like more than necking a pint, smashing a bird and nailing a kebab.
If you do like all those things then you might like UniLad; a website for people that I thought only existed in WKD adverts. UniLad claims to be the number one lads mag for students in Britain, and if you have Facebook you will almost certainly have seen someone “like” or “share” one of their posts.
Recently UniLad ran into trouble with a group of feminists over an article where they advocated rape as a back-up plan.
If the girl you’ve taken for a drink… won’t spread for your head, think about this mathematical statistic, 85% of rape cases go unreported. That seems to be fairly good odds.
Ahahahahahaha! Sexual violence against women, how hilarious! Oooooh, those rum chaps at UniLad whatever will they think of next? Since America seems to be able to ride roughshed over various Geneva Conventions why not drop napalm in a nightclub, that’ll get them slags out of their clothes in no time. Maybe given the patchy record that we have on bringing people guilty of genocide to trial next date you’re on perhaps if she tries turning you down you can whisper in her ear that unless you get at least a blowjob you’ll have her entire village massacred.
Personally I think in concentrating solely on that one quote from UniLad feminists may be being a little short-sighted, the joke itself is offensive, as well as being cliché and – the worst thing you can say about a joke – unfunny. It is however just one joke, to overly concentrate on that would be to allow the people at UniLad to – as they have done – claim that that particular joke was a one off aberration. One mistake that has been rectified. It isn’t.
Hatred of women is hard-wired into the very DNA of UniLad. Its whole ethos is dripping with misogyny. For instance right now on the website of the supposedly more responsible UniLad we have the following articles.
Some are just unfunny.
Taking a brave stand against the universally loved figure of Justin Bieber UniLad writes that his very birth was worse than getting your “Wonka bar” stuck in your zipper. Do people call their penises “Wonka bars”? In what sense? Loved by children? Can women easily guess a man’s age by asking whether it was Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp who forged their phallus?
UniLad claims that they hate him for, “looking like a vagina”, which he doesn’t really. I think I’d be a bit shocked if I went down on a girl and her vagina looked like a Canadian pop icon.
What gets me is for a site that is so aggresively heterosexual and heteronormative there is a great deal of disgust at the notion of female sexual organs here. If I didn’t know better I’d say the writer doesn’t actually like vaginas at all.
In fact I’d maybe go so far as to suggest that the writer was struggling to reconcile a deep burning homophobia with a desire to get a blowjob off the teen sensation.
“That Justin Beiber’s got some great lips” he might have thought to himself, “bet they’d feel great wrapped around my cock… but wait, then the blokes down the boozer might call me a poofter… nah, wait! It’s ‘cos he looks like a vagina, yeah, it’s not gay to think about resting my balls on his chin, it’s his fault for his vagina-ey face.”
Some are not funny and slightly evil
“Chubby girls. The ‘elephant in the room’ as it were – everyone knows them, everyone’s seen them (They’re hard to miss when they’re that big).”
Get it? They’re like elephants they’re so fat! No, they’re not exactly like our pachyderm friends, no they don’t have ivory tusks, that would be silly. Yes, they don’t look as much like elephants as they look like human beings that deserve basic human decency and compassion. But that’s not quite as banterous is it?
Some are not funny and are a lot evil
“She’s likely to be really insecure because she knows she could be much fitter, so she’ll appreciate your attention enough that you’ll definitely get a blowjob. And chubby insecure girls are REALLY good at blowjobs. They’ve spent ages being too shy to get out their vajayjays, resorting instead to the good old cock-sucking move of desperation. Also, all of them at some point have probably had a bit of a self-induced vom, so their gag reflex is probably shot. Hello deep throat!”
This is a paragraph that starts badly, but it’s that last line that really does it for me. Are we seriously at a point in our society where we can make gags about bulimic teenagers – and if you want to know why teenage girls are bulimic maybe jokes about them looking like elephants don’t help – being better at sucking cock then we can just give up all our claims to be decent and compassionate.
And to deal with the defence that all this stuff is “just a joke”, I’m sorry but it clearly isn’t. It seems eye-droppingly obvious to point out that reading such nastiness day in and day out is going to affect how young men view women and how they view themselves. And we have evidence to support this.
Anecdotally there are plenty of stories from young women about the normalisation of sexually aggressive culture, of how frequent and acceptable groping has become in student nightclubs. This is the behaviour and the culture that existed in the ‘70s and allowed the likes of Jimmy Savile (and it would be naïve right now to not imagine a lot more people) to assault teenage girls at the BBC. We had a campaign in the 80s and 90s to stop that sort of thing, to say it isn’t acceptable, the rise of “lad culture” seems to be a backlash against those battles that were won by women, homosexuals and other people that aren’t “lads”.
An even worse story came out that groups of men were waiting outside student nightclubs on Fresher’s week to pick up clearly inebriated women offering them a lift home, once their victims were inside the car they would drive in the opposite direction and bundle them out of the car. The name given by the perpetrators to this phenomenon? Slut-dropping.
The thing that worries me most about “UniLad” is the phrase “Uni”. These are – supposedly – educated, enlightened people who will run our society one day. We can only thank God that the people that awarded Marie Curie her Nobel prizes were not alumni of the “UniLad” school of thought. If they have been they wouldn’t have commended her for her discovery of radiation but would rather have said to her, “what are you like at blowies love? Phwoar, bet you suck right good cock, you slutty French chemists you!”
Helen Flanagan is apparently in trouble for posting a picture of herself on Twitter holding a gun to her head during the public furore over the tragic events at Newton High School. This was “INSENSITIVE” and “BRAINLESS” according to the Sun – isn’t it funny how the very thing we hate in others is that which exists so abundantly in ourselves?
Personally it seems unlikely that what Helen was thinking was; “how could I best rub salt into the wounds of bereaved parents?” In fact, call me cynical, I might even be tempted to think that what the Sun was thinking when they came across the photo – calm down, this isn’t a Carry On Film – was “our readers would love to wank over that, how best can we fit that into a story?”
So there we have it, faux outrage to facilitate masturbation, and people say we need to defend our press.