UniLass, Daily Mail and Nu-Comics. The Good, The Bad and the Smugly Offensive.

As frequent visitors to this site – both of you – will know I despise the masturbating, women-hating, rape-advocating zoo of bellendery that is Uni Lad. So the idea of a site dedicated to attacking UniLad is my idea of a good way to spend some time.

I am pleased to say UniLass an engaging and inclusive website whose posts so far have included everything from solidarity with Indian women fighting against sexual violence to a Youtube clip of Riot Grrl! act Bikini Kill. The site aims to deal with misogyny on the internet. Dealing with misogynists on the internet is a bit like dealing with vacuousness on ITV3, or a nigh-on impossible level of a video game where you have to shoot your way through on an ever growing horde of zombies with a slingshot that fires marshmallows.

One site that found itself in the crosshairs of Uni Lass was “Creepshots”, a Facebook page devoted to pictures taken of young women without their consent. The sick website which is in clear contravention of the Facebook rules and regulations is a clear example of what the young women at UniLass are dealing with. Yet what is perhaps most scary is there is very little on the Creepshots page that you couldn’t find on the world’s most popular English language news website.

The Daily Mail website features these “creepshots” on an industrial scale.

In one typically depressing article entitled BROKEN BRITAIN: DRUNK CHAVS SHIT ON CENOTAPH AND WIPE ARSE WITH MAGNA CARTA – or something similar – The Mail’s photographer seemed as enamoured with a young woman in a red dress as the hack who wrote the thing was with the word “revellers”.

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Judging the angle of the picture we can only assume that this was shot by the Daily Mail’s new midget photographer. Either that or someone deliberately crouched down to get a picture of an inebriated woman’s arse and print it in a national paper. I’ll leave it for you to decide.

There are three pictures in total of the woman in the red dress; seen in succession they look like snapshots from a webcam attached to the head of a vertically challenged sex-offender. In fact they made think of the famous “stalking shot” pioneered by innovative horror classic The Evil Dead, the only thing separating these images from a low-budget video nasty was a lack of Dutch angles. Continuing in words what they had done in pictures one caption reads, “You Naughty Girl” which sort of makes me shudder it’s that fucking creepy, it sounds like something Paul Dacre would shout at the screen as he wanks over the very same sexually liberated women his paper condemns.

Below the line it’s clear some people approved of the Mail’s photographer’s eye for a bit of flesh commenting, “the lady in the red dress in Newcastle has the figure for it, great long legs.” It seems from the snapper to the journo to the readers is more obsessed with this lady in red than Chris De Burgh.

Unfortunately there is no depths to which the Mail will not deign to sink in search for click-bait. Here’s a screenshot of a – now edited – article on 14 year old (and before you read on, keep in your mind the fact this girl is 14, a child) Ellie Fanning.

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Some of the more offensive phrases in the article has been removed, Bowdlerising it slightly, but to say this was a mistake, a one of aberration would be to ignore the sheer weight of articles like this on the Mail Online. This one about Chloe Moretz, at the time also 14, speaks of her “vampish red dress” which is also apparently “thigh-skimming”. If you want to see just how many of these sort of articles exist you can simply type “all grown up” into the site’s searchbar, the results are well documented in this Vice article.

I can only presume this sort of thing is so if your co-worker sees you reading the Daily Mail online you can protest that you’re just a paedophile and obviously don’t agree with the paper’s far-right views on asylum, criminal justice and benefits.

But like the hoary old analogy about a stopped clock the Mail can occasionally get it right.

I did not see Big Fat Quiz of the Year but I did hear about the flurry of Mail articles on the subject from seeing rebuttals in the broadsheet press. Following one of the links I was able to read a few of the Mail’s attacks on the show itself and particularly James Corden and Jack Whitehall who were apparently particularly vulgar and distasteful. My immediate reaction was to take the diametrically opposite view to that of the Mail, a tactic which usually serves you well in life.

Now, however, after watching the show I am forced to admit a pretty dirty little secret; I agree with the Daily Mail!

Upon seeing James Cordon on the Big Fat Quiz of the Year my first thought was the title was perhaps one word out. As I continued watching I was struck by just how unfunny and outright embarrassing the pair were, eating pizza, shouting over the much more talented Richard Ayoade and just generally being puerile dickwipes. And when you’re being called puerile by someone who uses “dickwipe” as an insult then you realise you’re pretty much at primary school level. The only participant on the show who did not seem slightly put off by the pair’s unbridled twattery was Jonathon Ross who did his “sit laughing at young trendy comics and hope they’ll let you join in” schtick which he perfected earlier in his career whilst Russel Brand was offending a septuagenarian by slut-shaming his grand-daughter.

There are many people who will attack me over this, that I am guilty of wanting to censor obscene comedy. This is not true, Stewart Lee and Louis CK can be obscene and be clever with it, as could Bill Hicks in the past. I totally agree with the patron saint of offensive comedy Lenny Bruce who said, “if you can’t say fuck, you can’t say fuck the Government”. However what I never remember Bruce saying was, “If you can’t say fuck then you can’t say you want to fuck Susan Boyle up the arse”, admittedly Bruce died before her rise to fame but it’s fair to say that it’s unlikely that he would have seen the highpoint of free speech as being the right to make jokes about sodomising a pensioner with a long and well-documented history of mental illness.

I absolutely despise these fucking Nu-Comics, totally uninterested in the craft or with saying anything of interest. They’re smug, trendy haircut, Topman t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans with a pay checque from Mock The Week in the back pocket, dickheads. In a year that saw foodbanks rise, women’s shelters shut-down and a cabinet of millionaires shitting on ordinary people they offer fucking nothing but a desire to be on Live at the Apollo.

So can we please – even if it means agreeing with a newspaper that seems anathema to some of us – tell these pair of talentless shitgibbons to fuck off our screens. Let’s leave them to what they are destined to be in life. James Corden would be a sack of shit in an XXL “banter” t-shirt belching out Soccer AM catchphrases in a Wetherspoons – which he has the audacity to refer to as a boozer – and winking “alright darlin’” at uninterested women. Jack Whitehall would be a cocky, spoilt public school fuckwit taking shit drugs at a shit rave that plays shit music, stinks of Lynx and VO5 mousse and is populated entirely by cunts.

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