A Rush Of Blood To The Head Is The Greatest Album Of All Time

Short post here, I was on twitter the other day and someone from the Guardian music team was asking for two-hundred words on why A Rush of Blood to the Head is the greatest album of all time.

I quickly dashed something off and e-mailed it to them. In the greatest musical injustice since Cliff Richard was denied a Eurovision win by Franco’s Spain I was not selected, this was.

Anyway, this is a slightly longer version of my actual entry.

It must be hard to not actually like music. It must be difficult when everyone else around you is on drugs dancing around to techno or furiously scribbling lyrics down in their homework diaries. You are essentially a social outcast, alienated by your inability to enjoy Marlena Shaw or Burial, you know people are laughing at you, you’ve heard them. Coldplay’s A Rush Of Blood To The Head is a Godsend to these desperate people. Inoffensive and bland, Coldplay are the band for people that just don’t get music.

Like the Iraq war A Rush of Blood To The Head was attributed by its architects to the September 11th terrorist attacks, bearing in mind Osama Bin Laden’s stated aim was the destruction of western culture it appears he has to some degree been successful. Coldplay’s output is so white and insipid it seems a shame the name “The Cardigans” was taken. But for some people that is all music will ever be, something to have on in the background whilst they discuss house prices. Martin’s lyrics are so banal they can apply to literally anything without ever challenging the listener to think. And thinking is difficult. Radio 2 listeners voted A Rush Of Blood To The Head as their favourite album and these people are allowed to exist and they have the right to be happy. Probably. So for making estate agents that pick their children up from school in Volvos slightly less miserable I think it is fair to call this the greatest album of all time.

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